Whenever i started to think positively and happily, life goes against me. It becomes hard and blue. I don’t know why but is it me being careless about the other human or they just so fucking difficult to understand. I miss the old times, when i can laugh everyday and just live like it’s a theme park. But, now, i got punched by the reality, the reality that my dad had passed away for 8 years. I made myself into a pathetic person with a weird personality. I remember when i wanted a white converse shoes so bad i got a dream my dad bought me that shoes. In fact, i couldn’t say “I want that, buy me one” now, it will hurt my mom and makes her stress. And i thought having friends will lift that feel up, but sometimes they just make me more depressed. The little things they might not remember hurts me so much. I may invisible to ‘em i don’t know. I’m not important i don’t know. I don’t know what are they thinking about me and i really don’t wanna know. I only want to have friend that show me affection so i can learn how to understand another human. High school is so weird. I wanted to live happily, but why is it so hard?